My Place

When did I stop being Heather, someone who holds down a good full-time job, owns her own car, is happily married, and lives in a nice house albeit it's not our own but still it's a nice house? When did I stop having thoughts and opinions? When did I stop being me and start being a baby making machine who has nothing better to do than talk babies?

To be totally honest right now I'm sick to death hearing about babies, especially coming from my mother-in-law, she doesn't want to talk to me unless it's about the stuff she's seen and wants to buy for the child. Plus everyone seems obsessed with me throwing up! Why on earth would you want to know if I've been sick?!?!

It's getting that bad I'm making excuses why I'm not answering the house phone incase it's mother-in-law.

If it wasn't for my Mummy and best-friend B I'd be losing all sense of my identity.

I can understand that for mother-in-law I'm carrying her grandchild, but you'd think after 4 or 5 of them she would've calmed down by now. She can't seem to understand that I'm not an expressive kind of person, yes I'm carrying a baby but I don't want a whole big song and dance about it I'd rather just get on with it with as little fuss as possible. Can she not take a hint from my parents?!

Is it hormones getting the better of me? I probably am very overwhelmed by it all, it's crashing down on me and I can't escape but it's my mother-in-law I want to escape no-one else. I'm probably being too hard on her but she just won't take the hint and leave me alone and you can't say anything to her outright as she'll be incredibly upset then I'll be the worst in the world.

We're up at hers for our tea tonight and I don't want to go. Don't have a good enough excuse though to not go. She's seen things she wants to buy and wants to talk to me about them, I don't want to talk about them, we've got another 6 months to talk about everything and anyway we can't really talk about anything at all seeing as we don't know whether it's a boy or girl yet and though I don't mind a little boy wearing pink or a girl wearing blue there are those in my family, both sides for that matter, who do mind and aren't looking or thinking about stuff just yet until we tell them what we're expecting.

Might fall asleep on the sofa at theirs tonight, it's a good way to stop all the talking but it's a shame I have to resort to that.

...niecey may have broken up with her boyf again, I'm not sure I can't keep up with it all it was only last week she was threatening to dump him and now it's happening all over again. Don't think we'll know for sure whether it's over unless she changes her bebo status as that apparently defines her.

Hubbie is on baby mode, went to Tesco last night and I lost him; he appeared 15 mins later with 5 packs of baby wipes because they were on offer. The baby isn't due until April but he's stocking up now, he also got distracted by the baby clothes but as we still don't know whether it's a boy or girl he wasn't able to pick anything up.

I've had loads of dizzy spells and I'm just so knackered all the time to look at me you'd think I hadn't slept in a couple of nights when I'm sleeping right through and on the weekends I can sleep 14 hours straight. Everything I do is knackering me whether it's just putting the washing in the machine or putting the shopping away, if I'm like this now I'll be dreadful in the 3rd trimester!

Mummy-in-law is driving me crazy with her advice. I know she means well but seriously I don't want to hear it and I can't say that cause it'll hurt her feelings but I really do not need the added stress of her telling me what to do, what to eat, what she's planning to buy. Everyone thinks it's lovely she's doing this (other than my Mummy thankfully) but it's just getting me more stressed out, more upset, and more determined that I won't be expressing my milk just so she won't be able to feed the baby straight away!!!!

That is very mean of me I know and very selfish but it might be the only time I'll get peace and quiet from everyone if I'm breast feeding the baby as I won't want anyone around, hubbie I won't mind around me or my Mummy but everyone else can clear off and leave me alone for a while.

Knowing my luck though the baby will be allergic/have problems with breast milk like I did and won't be breast fed.

Cats have been moved down to Mummy and Daddy's for a holiday. The black and white own kept using the floor instead of the litter tray and as I'm not allowed to clean the mess up it had to sit and wait for hubbie to get home from work. The house was getting smelly no matter what we were doing so they went down for a holiday and we're not likely to get them back again as they've made themselves comfy and Daddy thinks they are better off with them as they can come and go as they please and don't have to remain inside. I'm happy that they are settled and are ok with their new surroudnings, but I miss them!!!!!!! The house is quiet without them.

Think that's about it, everything updated. There may be more rants about my mother-in-law, would be surprised if I don't rant about her to be honest, so I'll apologise in advance but if I don't get it out of me I'll end up taking it home and upsetting hubbie cause it's his mother I'm complaining about plus he'll be annoyed that she's upsetting me and that could start another family row.

....hubbie's aftershave
the air freshner at the top of the stairs
chinese food, the smell is just absolutely horrible now cannot stand it

I used to love hubbie's aftershave now I can't stand it, he tried to do the hurt puppy routine with me when I told him but it didn't work,  he's got plenty of other aftershaves that I don't have a problem with at present so he can wear those.

Not sure if the air freshner at the top of the stairs offends the baby or if I just can't stand it, hubbie picked it so that could maybe be part of the problem, usually all the smelly things that come into the house I've picked.

Think it's the soy sauce in the chicken chow mein that I can't stand and also the gravy you get from the chinese, even just thinking about them is making me queasy. When I think about honey chilli chicken I don't have the urge to heave as much it smells different so might have to give it a go some night.

On a good note I'm loving the kebab house sauce from the Sphinx, I just adore it and am slightly craving it too. Convinced hubbie to get one last week as our junk food night and I had mine almost in me before he even sat down to eat. Might have to get 2 next time! They can keep the chips I just want the chicken and house sauce please.

...I can't continue on like this!!!

I may have an understanding boss who isn't going to scream at me because I can't keep awake but he's paying me to work not to sleep and it must be frustrating for those around me.

I feel so crappy with it as well and I dunno whether I want to curl up in a ball eat comfort food and watch MASH all night or just bawl my eyes out.

Think I'll do both.

I had sharp shooting pains across my tummy and there was an uncomfy soreness to it as well so I rang the docs and asked for advice cause I wasn't sure what to do. I was given one of the emergency appointments this afternoon and the doc felt about for any tenderness and asked all the usual questions. He sent me round to the treatment room to give a urine sample and when the nurse tested it she couldn't get a proper result I could have a urine sample but the reading she got didn't have enough whatevers it in though it did have enough to suggest a urine infection and she also said there was some protein in it but again there wasn't enough for her to say anything about it so it's being sent away to get tested by the people in white coats and they'll be able to do further tests to find out what's wrong with me.

Have to wait until near the end of the week before the results come back but if they come in before they'll give me a call to let me know what's happening.

It scared me today spent I dunno how long shaking and doing my best not to cry so am completely knackered now and hubbie was trying to be strong for me and I know it took a lot of him also but he's being so protective of me at the mo I just wish he'd settle and either curl up beside me on the sofa or else let me help him tidy the kitchen he's taking too much on  himself.

...and I can't figure out what it is!

I've looked under everything, I've moved everything and everything has been as aired as possible and still I can't figure out what the smell is.

The cat did decide to drink my glass of milk the other night and I thought she might've spilt it somewhere but it doesn't smell sour.

So confuzzled and it's really beginning to bug me now cause I can't figure out what it is.

Well at least that would explain why I've felt so bad lately, and will probably continue to feel a bit rotten for the next wee while.

I'm about 6 weeks gone and though I would've prefered to wait until about the 12 weeks mark hubbie got a little over excited and decided to tell everyone last night so I've no choice but to let everyone know now also.

It's a complete and utter accident and I'm still shit scared about it all but I'm happy at the same time, well I'm gradually getting happier about it, not quite at the really happy stage yet but I'm not sure I'll ever be at that stage I'll be too busy worrying about pre-eclampsia and anything else that could happen to me because of my medical history and my family's medical history.

Just waiting on my letter from the Royal now and everything will be set in motion. Just got to go tell my Boss now before someone else does.

That's what my new blood pressure tablets are.

I started them on Thursday past there and I've been practically asleep ever since!

The warning on the box says warning may cause drowsiness, I think they cause more than just drowsiness in my case I even fell asleep at my desk on Friday.

I've my nurse appointment and then a doctor's appointment this afternoon so I'll mention to them the affect the new tablets are having on me and see if this is normal and will my body ever get used to them or not. Hope I do, the drowsiness is really affecting my day-to-day life.