My Place

...he's been in baby mode, saying we should start trying straight away for one, and planning bigger cars and budgeting and everything!

He has always been broodier than me, I've no problem in admitting that I'm reluctant to have kids only because I'm terrified and not because I don't want them cause I do, but the thought of having something so small and dependant on me scares the hell out of me and I'm afraid I won't be that good at it, he doesn't understand this because he sees me with the nephews and other kids and acn't understand how I can get along and look after them so well and still be scared of having my own. Other people's children are ok because at the end of the visit or day I get to hand them back and they become someone elses responsibility, I can't do that with my own!

I know I'm fretting over nothing probably, well I hope I am, and I do want to have kids but I do wish he would tone it down a bit because I'm scared enough already and his bouncing about all excited about having kids is making me worse.

and until Stephen Fry mentioned it the other night on the Jonathan Ross show I had no idea about it.

Anyone else tweet?

For the 1st time in almost 2 years my blood pressure is at a normal rate and I didn't get told off because of it! Well not that they normally tell me off but I usually get one of those looks that tells me I'm too young to have high blood pressure almost as if I'm doing it on purpose.

Am feeling good about this and can only hope that it'll continue to stay ok and not shoot up again like it tends to do now and again.

Fingers crossed!!!!

...seeing as the health centre had to cancel last week's appointment because the nurse wasn't able to attend, so tomorrow I'm going to the original nurse I used to see at the start, this is the lady who started me on the weight loss and blood pressure tablets. Since seeing her I've lost quite a bit of weight, reaching my targets each month and I've had my 1st lot of tablets strength increased and been moved to another kind of tablets as the 1st lot seemed to have stopped doing me any good.

I always get told off in a sort of mumsy kind of way so I feel slightly bad but not completely told off if that makes sense. She's a nice lady but I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of her someday!

Nice to see someone different for a change but you get so used to having a routine when you go into see the normal nurse and then getting shifted to another throws that routine out the window so it won't be as comfy as usual. Maybe that's a good thing.

I'm missing them more than I thought I would've.

My hand feels a little lighter today without them and it's annoying. Hope Hubbie can find them.

Just reading this on the blood pressure association website and though I think it's a good idea and will greatly improve blood pressure testing part of me is going eeeeeeeekkkk!!!!

http://www.bpassoc.org.uk/mediacentre/Bloodpressurenews/Isthistheendforbloodpressurecuffs

By having a small chip inserted a lot of fuss will be done with and false readings may be done away with too because I know from experience the nurse/doctor must do my blood pressure at least 4-5 times over the course of my appointment just so the 1st reading isn't just a fluke as the 1st reading is always higher than it should be from anxiety or worry. The thought of someone inserting something under my skin in my leg and then again near my groin just makes me want to run though! I'm not good with people wanting to cut or stick needles into me, other people yes, me no.

If it was proven to work though would I really argue against it?

Just read this on the BBC website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7852168.stm

Thank goodness I don't eat doner kebabs, always did think they were hateful things, now there's proof that they are!

Red Dwarf is coming back for an Easter weekend special!!!

All happy about that I loved Red Dwarf when it was on and still would watch it if it was on any of the Sky channels. Nice to see that the original cast will be in the special, that'll make it more watchable I think.

Feels like my head is going to drop off!

Have taken tablets but so far they haven't helped, I need to learn some patience.

...the reason being I had left them on top of the tv last night when we got back in from shopping and when I went to get them this morning they weren't there. The cats got them!!!!

Hubbie is not amused that I'm out of the house and I'm not wearing my wedding ring but as far as I can see if he can leave the house without wearing his wedding ring and I can't say a thing about it then neither can he. It's not one rule for him and another for me so he can go scratch.

He's off work today so he'll be able to find them when he's brushing the living room floor later today, must as him to check the cat's dishes sometimes things end up in there, am not sure why but they always look so proud when you find bits and pieces in them.

Not sure which one to go to. Though Tesco is closer to me, I like shopping in Sainsburys as I find it slighter cheaper and I can get a few bits and pieces there I can't get in Tesco. The Asda that's on the other side of Belfast is a depressing hole of a place and I feel drained each time I walk into it, we could go to the Asda down in Ballyclare but it's a bit out of the way and if we were doing the shopping during the day I might consider it but not for tonight. There is a Co-op near by but it's a smallish one more for bits and pieces than a full shop so good for nipping in for a few things but not what I have in mind.

Will text hubbie before I leave work and see where he wants to go because if we go to Sainsburys I should ask his mum if she wants to go up with us for anything.

Can't wait to go out for a dander in an hours time, am getting a bit hungry (unusual for me cause I don't normally eat during the day) so will be searching for something for lunch and have to go to Boots as well and get a few bits and pieces can't remember what though.

Hate it when that happens.

Sat and made a huge list of things that need doing about the house last night and I scared myself with the amount of housework we've been avoiding or ignoring the past wee while!

I know there's a lot of places that people generally don't get to see, like the bottom of your freezer but that doesn't mean it doesn't need a good going through now and again so tonight and tomorrow night hubbie and I are going to go through the house like a whirlwind and get as much done as possible so that on Wednesday night we can come in and maybe even have our tea sitting at the table for a chance rather than having all the ironing sitting on it! Possibly wishful thinking but we're hopeful we'll manage.

I've made it sound like our house is a tip and it's not really, I mean we do the dishes every night, well almost every night, our clothes get washed and ironed regularly and the living room is tidy except for the cat's toys which are always lying about regardless of how many times you pick them up and put them to the side. The housework I'm talking about is things like washing out cupboards, giving the fridge the once over, cleaning the oven, hoovering the upstairs carpet checking for stray socks under the bed because there's no way the washing machine ate those socks so they have to be somewhere else!

He's had plenty of chances to do something about it himself, and with the help of others so now I'm putting my foot down and saying enough is enough. I'm fed up with him breaking his promises to me about how he will lose the weight, it's gone beyond the joke, especially when I have to sit at night and listen to him complain about the size he has gotten, whilst eating another bar of chocolate and another packet of crisps.

It's gotten to the stage where even all of my family are having a go at him about his weight, my parents especially because my father is diabetic and he can see hubbie heading for either an early grave for heart disease or else joining him at the diabetic clinic in the near future, and my mummy's concern is that hubbie married me and I'm only 26, I'm too young to be a widow and left on my own. Scare tactics maybe, but so far they have worked because he is starting to add in what my parents have said to him into his complaining.

I've had a word with his family and I've mentioned to my parents about what I'm going to be doing and they've said they'll help the best they can and that's all I can hope for.

I know it's not fair on him what I'll be doing because basically I'll be treating him like a child telling him what he can and can't eat, but what else can I do? I've tried being the supportive girlfriend/wife, I've tried letting him get on with it and I've tried to encourage him to do some exercise but nothing has worked so now it's time to lay down the law! I'm not naturally a bossy person, I'm not fond of taking charge, but I can when necessary and this is definately necessary.

I love the man who he is, not the body shape he has that doesn't particularly matter to me, if it did I wouldn't still be here when he looks about 7 months pregnant! but I can't live with a man who keeps making promises to me and then breaking them without any sign of remorse or worry, he sees this as one big joke and I can't take that anymore, this is his health we're talking about and it's getting seriously affected by his weight.

It was a good game but we lost 2-1 to the Sheffield Steelers.

The row of people behind us were quite blood thirsty and were on the look-out for fights and commotions so I think they were slightly disappointed when the few fights that did happen were stopped just as quickly as they started.

The Giants' mascot was there and so was the Subway mascot as they sponsor the Giants.

What's the chances it may be down enough to please the nurse?

Fingers crossed!

and I'm going to see it!

Hubbie got tickets through work, they were doing a promotion so I'm looking forward to tonight. Not sure who they are playing but it'll still be a good night.

...it wasn't sitting. The ground was too wet.

We all got our hopes up, and then they were dashed by the rain.

Just a wee bit of snow would be good, just to remind us what it feels like to be wee kids again and not fed up, stressed to the eyeballs, adults.

Shouldn't have taken my tin of celebrations home at Christmas, would be good to tuck into them right now, just one or two would settle the craving for chocolate I think.

Sunflower seeds aren't quite working.

Looking through all the pics on my new camera last night and they are mostly all of our two cats. Am I cat lady or something?! One of my friends did tell me that when I was older I'd own lots of cats and wear purple and mutter strange things all the time, I fear his prediction may be coming true.

I love my cats but I need something better to take pics of!

We're going to try for a family.

Am absolutely terrified and we're nowhere near prepared for it, but if you spent all your time preparing for something like this it would never happen! We've got a good family surrounding us, and a good support network within that so I don't see us going that far wrong it's just a matter of getting knocked up now!

Next year I want to have my car paid off in full.

There's about a year left on the agreement and I would like to get it paid off for the start of next year, I think that's possible if I knuckle down a bit more than I have done in the past. Might mean less books but I don't think my legs will drop off because of that.

Must hunt out the paperwork for the car and double check the figures or else find a number to ring and talk to someone.

...the rest of Hubbie's Christmas present to me. Couple of weeks late but there you go.

Looking forward to having a camera that's trying not to die for a change. Will be feeling spoiled!

After that we'll be going up to Parent-in-law to book the Haven holiday, so while Hubbie is doing that I'll be playing around with the camera learning how to use it and taking photos of everyone making faces as they do.

The office is being painted and for my asthmatic chest I'm starting to have problems with it.

What's the chances of being allowed to go home? Slim to none I think unless I conjure up a wheeze or two for the Boss to hear. Chest is tight but not wheezy.

Heart is bouncing away and I'm a little light headed, maybe I'm getting high from the fumes as well.

Got my dodgy looking mole seen to yesterday, the hospital doc is happy enough with it and she doesn't see any problems with it but I'm to keep an eye on it and let my own doctor know if it changes or not.

Thank goodness it's ok, don't think I could've dealt well with another problem!

I haven't been able to warm up the past two days at all, wish I could!

Bit of a nuisance sitting in work still wearing my coat because I won't get any benefit from it when I go outside.

Wonder if I'll be able to type with my gloves on, it's been a while since I've tried but was only messing about then, this time I'm serious about it!

The dutiful daughter that I am volunteered not only myself, but Hubbie also, to help my Daddy out on one of his race days this summer (Daddy is Marshall and a few other things). Conscription will never die whilst I'm around!

Haven't been to any of the bike races or shows in a couple of years but they are usually lots of fun and very entertaining because they all know who I am but I haven't a notion of who they are so lots of confusion and laughing involved.

Am kinda looking forward to it, I think! Hubbie not so much but that's only because he's going to get tortured by all of us.

A passenger taps a taxi driver on the shoulder. The driver screams, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window. "You're jumpy", says the passenger, "I only tapped you". "Sorry", says the cabbie, "It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for 20 years!!".

At the end of October we're going to one of the Haven holiday places for a weekend. Think it's the Craig Tara one I'm not sure all I know is we're going and it's one of the ones in Scotland.

Parent's in law are taking the 2 nephews because Hubbie's bro and sis in law will be away for a week (it's a 40th birthday holiday for my sis in law) so parent's in law are taking the kids. Hubbie and I heard all about it last night and Hubbie turns round and says that sounds like fun, how about we go. That was that and we're almost off!

It sounds like fun, I've never done anything like this before so it'll be an interesting couple of days, especially since Hubbie's sis and her Hubbie will be coming along too, well that's the plan at the mo but they won't know for sure until next month. I hope they do come along, it'll be fun.

Ten months to wait now.

Teacher was off sick so that was £1.50 wasted on a bus ticket and an hour wasted when I could've been in the house getting warmed up and getting stuck into the dishes!

If I had been able to get through to tech yesterday I might've found out sooner but they aren't brilliant answering the phone sometimes. Oh well. Found out about when my assignments are due though so that's a good thing and was actually talking to someone who didn't have to refer to anyone else before they answered my questions so that was a novelty for me.

Lots of work to do for tech though in the next couple of weeks and that I'm not looking forward to it at all.

It was practically empty when I walked over to do the lodgement, have never seen it so empty and quiet during the day. Not sure why I'm surprised though cause with Woolworths gone and the florist (though it sold more candles than it did flowers) gone now also there's little to do in Connswater unless you're looking a birthday card or else doing your shopping in Tescos.

...I could end up getting fired or else the Company going under because of a mistake made at the start of last year that wasn't picked up on by myself or my Boss who double checks everything.

I don't know what I'm meant to do anymore in here, what's the point if I'm not going to be here much longer, thought that hasn't actually been said out loud it's just the feeling I get from just sitting in the same building as the Boss.

When did things stop being easy and when did I become an adult? How do I change that?

Think it would be easier if he would just scream and shout, but instead he's being very quiet and calm about it, yes there have been swear words and yes his voice has been raised slightly but he's not the type of person who can keep his voice the same level throughout any conversation.

I know it's me getting the blame for this and I'm not disputing that because it's part of my job to double check everything I do and for some reason I didn't double check this at all and he didn't check up on it either. Bosses can get away with saying that though can't they. Doesn't matter who didn't check on it after me it's still ultimately me that's at fault and it's me getting the blame.

Haven't tried to argue it. What's the point? During that time period I asked the Boss to come down to our Office I don't know how many times to go through everything with me (at that time I didn't have a manager I was basically running the office by myself with just a few emails or texts from the Boss), I had to go by a couple of words and then make what I want from those words. I did the best I could and obviously it wasn't good enough, but at the time it was more than good enough for him. I was doing my job, a Manager's job, plus switching between two offices to do someone elses job but getting paid very little for everything. I made myself sick over everything I was having to do, my blood pressure went crazy at that time, I had an asthma attack because things were getting to me so much, and I was so stressed the Doctor suggested tablets and time off work to make things better but that wasn't possible. That's all forgotten though because I'm obviously not that important in here and I'm used to that, I shouldn't be, but I am.

This wasn't meant to be a pity party, sorry. Things are just getting to me so much it's either write them down or else bawl my eyes out at my desk, though that might happen as well in a min or two.

Hubbie is actually taking me out for a meal on Valentine's Day, we might even be staying over somewhere as well.

Now I know my Hubbie can be lovely and romantic and all that sometimes, but this is the 1st time he's ever taken me out for a meal on Valentine's Day, usually he has to work and says that he'll make up for it or else we get a take-away for tea on the day, he's never actually physically taken me out to a restaurant.

I'm suspicious!!!!

That's not very nice of me I know but I can't help but wonder what he's up to, it's not like him.

He told me last night that we are going out for Valentine's but that's all he'll let me know other than I have to be dressed up, so that means shopping trip!

Not so excited about that really.

Couple of assignments to get done within a couple of weeks because I was off sick before Christmas so will be busy, busy, busy.

...was the 1st time he has ever given me a hickie!!!!

He's so embarassed about it but I'm just laughing it off because it's easily covered, but I'm really surprised at him cause he hates the things. Not sure what got into him last night cause he's never like that.

Wearing a scarf all day and possibly all day tomorrow and Friday too. At least I'll be warm.

Hubbie has finally gotten a mobile that he can use and actually belongs to him! It feels weird having my mobile back and I'm sure the only phone calls I'll be getting are people looking to talk to him but I'm still happy about it.

It's playing up though, it keeps re-setting itself to the default settings which is really annoying me so I'll have to get that looked at soon but still pleased having it back.

...I know it's not really a bad thing because you should never stay logged into something incase someone gets into your profile and messes it up but it's really beginning to bug me!

Is there anything better to nibble on during the day in work than Ritz Crackers? I think not, but then I do love them, it's one of the few salty foods I indulge in now and again seeing as I'm meant to be cutting back on salty food items because of the blood pressure problems.

Have just opened a new box of Ritz Crackers and I'm wondering how long these will last once my Boss realises they are open, he's a fan of them too, but then he's not allowed to eat between meals (his wife has ordered him to cut back) so he searches my office for things to eat because I always have something in here if it's not crackers then it's sunflower seeds or mint imperials.

I'll admit I'm a nibbler! but I generally don't eat lunch during the day so that's how I justify the nibbling I do. In my mind it's ok, just as long as my Mummy doesn't find out then I'll be in trouble!

What are the chances?!

Hubbie was looking at what BT could offer us last week and I must say I'm encouraged by what he has found, or maybe I'm just excited at the thought that he's finally gotten something done about it. I fell out with BT a while back so I was reluctant to sort anything out re the phone line and internet incase they turned us down so that's why it was left with Hubbie to sort, good idea at the time but he was meant to be sorting it in September.

Won't be holding my breath about it but I will be keeping my fingers crossed!

...must definately be a work thing.

Didn't have any headaches over the Christmas holidays while I was off work, I come back to work today and what do ya know, a headache starts about an hour ago. One of those tensiony ones.

Work is not good for my health!